I am quite a tall guy. I’m not overweight though, and have good muscles. But I was always noticeably tall, even at school. They used to tease me – ‘big bloke, puny prick’. They thought it was funny. I didn’t mind, because actually it is quite big, well, strikingly big. I know because me and bro measured it. When I was ten and it was longer than his; he was sixteen. He was jealous because he told me it was too big and I’d never get it in anyone’s hole. It was quite thick too.
Even some of the girls said it to me. But they said it for different reasons, not because they were jealous or anything, but because they wanted to see it. They’d say, ‘Why’d they call you that. Have you got one of those things.’ I would always tell them I had a nice one. It made them bring me things, a bit of chocolate or a cigarette or something if they wanted to see it. They were usually fascinated. They must have wondered what I could do with it. And of course, I wondered too, as I didn’t really know till I was about fifteen. But we’d be behind a sports-shed and they’d look at it, and a bit embarrassed they’d put a finger out and touch it. And pull away as if it gave them a little electric shock. But it was me that got a little electric shock to be touched like that. It was quite annoying as the bloody thing wanted something more, but I didn’t know what to ask for.
Then one day there was a girl who had the longest hair, right down to her waist. The teachers were always telling her to get it cut or put it out of the way. In those wretched cooking classes, it would flop in the custard or the gravy. But I liked to touch it. And once, I sucked the gravy off the ends. She told me that she’d given me a treat sucking the gravy so I could show her what I’d got. She didn’t say she’d suck it for me. But I thought I might ask. I’d seen a tart do that to a guy on some website, and wondered what it felt like. This girl wasn’t shy. We were behind the shed, and it was drizzling with rain, I remember, but I didn’t care, because I liked this girl for some reason. I wanted her to be pleased. And she was. “God, luv us,” she said. That’s a big one.” She sounded as if she knew plenty about all this. and she grabbed it nice and firmly, friendly, as if she was shaking hands or something. No tickling with her finger-tips. She looked me straight in the face as if she was not embarrassed at all. She seemed quite something. “It’s bigger than my Dad’s, and he’s big, he says.” It really felt good, not because she was impressed, but because in her hand it felt different. It wasn’t like when I hold it to have a pee. It felt different and friendly, more than friendly. It began to change. I sort of groaned. I didn’t mean to groan. But she laughed and said, “That’s good isn’t it.” I nodded and told her to go on. And it swelled up and kept going. “Christ,” she said, “I don’t know if I’d like all that inside me.” She was quite small.
When I came, which was very quick, my thing spat all over her school skirt. I said “Sorry.”
She laughed, “Huh, you couldn’t help that, could ya.”And she kept holding it till it started to go down. “I should have put my mouth on you to keep us all tidy,” she said in a matter-of-fact housewifely way.
“Next time,” I said.
She laughed, “Oh yeah!” she made it sound as if I’d be lucky to have her wank me again.”
“I’d like to do it again with you.”
“I bet you would. You’re horny. My Dad doesn’t come like that even.” She was scrubbing her skirt with a bit of old tissue. “I better go home. I can’t go back this afternoon.”
“I’ll come with you,” I said, not wanting to leave her, and I touched her long hair.
“No, you won’t.”
“Would you like me to put it inside, next time?”
She stopped with the tissue and looked at me, “Inside me? Ooof.” She looked a bit doubtful and thinking of the size. “Well, yes. We could try. My Dad’s never done that. But I’ve always wanted to try.”
“Don’t tell anyone,” I said, now slightly nervous for some reason.
“Why not?” She shrugged her shoulders as if agreeing in order to oblige me. Then she left me and went to collect her anorak and her bicycle to go home. And I went to learn geometry. I remember, because it was a lesson about circles and I was thinking of her hole.
It was a long time before we met again, well maybe three weeks. I knew she’d told friends, because a few of the girls kept looking at me. One or two asked to go behind the sports shed, but I said ‘no’ to them all. We didn’t see each other much; our classes didn’t coincide very often. But one day she left me a note – ‘Come round on Saturday. Bring the big one.’ With an emoji looking surprised, and she gave me the address. I texted back, ‘OK’.
When I got there, it was Saturday, but I was a bit early, because I couldn’t wait to see what we’d do. Luckily, she answered the door; perhaps she was up because she couldn’t wait either. “Fuck,” she said with some alarm. “Can’t you wait. My Mum and Dad haven’t gone yet. Come back about half-past eleven. And she shut the door. I sat in the park a little way away. It was drizzling with rain again. I looked at my phone trying to find the website which showed girls doing things to blokes. I waited a couple of hours or so. The sun began to weakly shine and so did I; I was a bit nervous. I saw the car was not in the little drive, so her parents had gone. When I rang the bell, she came quickly and grabbed me pulling me in quickly. “We’ll go to my bedroom.” The house smelled of cooking. It seemed untidy with things all over the place. We went upstairs. She shut the door of her bedroom. She began pulling her sweater off. “Have you ever seen a girl’s boobs?”
“Yes,” I said, “of course.” But she knew it wasn’t the truth.
When her tee-shirt came off, she said, “There they are.” She had no bra, so I looked at them. And I looked at her looking at me to see if they were what I had expected. They were not; they were quite small swellings on her chest, no sign of a Hollywood cleavage. But the nipples were standing out in a way I had not expected. I’ve heard nipples called pert. So I put out my hand to touch one of them. She was soft and warm, but she shivered as if my touch sent electricity through her, especially when I rubbed the nipples between my thumb and finger. I was gentle. I didn’t want to hurt but honestly, I didn’t know if she would have liked them pinched. “You can suck them if you like.” I said I’d like to. And sucked them dutifully. But it seemed to do more for her than for me. She pushed me away a few inches, and said, “Come on, let’s look at the big one.” And as I took my trousers down, she slipped off her jeans till she was completely naked. She stood just looking at me as I took all my clothes off. “Come on,” and she yanked my hand so I fell on her bed, with her beside me. It was a single bed so we were close together and our skin touching from toe to head. “Let’s kiss.” And she started.
Actually, I was not bothered about kissing too much as my ‘thing’ was already demanding more attention. The whole body skin contact was overwhelming, smooth and soothing and also exciting, exciting. She pulled back and asked if I didn’t like kissing. I shrugged and she said, “OK.” And went in search of my thing. It didn’t take her long to find it, and I was groaning a bit. “Don’t you come too soon,” she said. And I began to feel a bit awkward. It felt as though if I tried to control myself, the whole thing would subside.
I didn’t know how to explain that to her, so I just said, “Let me find your hole and put it in.”
“OK,” she said. But of course I didn’t know much about her hole – a very different prospect from my sticking out prick which she was just holding and hanging on to. “Christ, you’re huge. I think your thing likes me.” She laughed. “You don’t know where to put the fucking thing, do you.” And she laughed gaily. It seemed to be fun for her that a man couldn’t find his way around her fleshy bits. She was in charge, and she opened her crack with her fingers, lying back with me lying on top. She put the end of the penis against her soft place and told me to push. Which I did, and pushed and pushed and it was extraordinary, quite tight. She was stretching back and biting her lip as if it might be hurting her. But I couldn’t help it. The feeling of going into this tight space made it more urgent every millimetre I went in. Every millimetre made me push in harder. Till my tummy touched hers. And I felt her thin little hairs mingled with mine. She was sort of panting slightly as if I was taking up so much room in her she could not breath. Her hands were around my back and my bottom, pulling me into her. I began to move inside her, pulling back a little and then thrusting in as if I wanted to get further and further into her. It was urgent as if something immense depended on my thrusting. She lifted her legs around my buttocks. And it was hard to get back far enough to make a good thrust, but she helped with her legs holding me tight in between them.
I was completely helpless to control any of it now, until I burst all my stuff into her. She was groaning now. And I flopped down, and she stopped groaning. “keep going, damn you,” she said with gritted teeth, and she tried pushing me in with her legs. So, I started again, not with excitement now but more with duty! I was spent, but there was a way of thanking her, which was to keep going, to keep going for her. She started groaning again, and that was charming – no, not charm, it was her excitement which was also now exciting for me. I was getting excited that I could give her the excitement. So I went on, but I was exhausted and willed myself into it. Until just at the moment when I could not last any longer, she gave a frantic yell, and clung to me with all four limbs as if death could have taken her. She was thrashing about with her own cum for about a minute or more.
“Fuck you – I’ll not find better,” she growled, as if hating me. I was pleased with her. And definitely with myself. I said nothing, because I felt the same and could not say that it could never be better, it was as well that she had said it. I lay for a while on top of her, kissing the lobe of her ear. Her legs relaxed and slid down next to mine. Her thighs remained wide apart which made me feel everything inside her and outside now belonged to me. Gradually my thing that had done us both good service relaxed itself too, and in a final slip it was out of her. There were tears in her eyes at that moment of parting. “Oh, Christ,” she muttered.
“I don’t think Christ had much to do with it.” I was being jocular in a moment when she had not yet collected herself.
“Get off me,” she suddenly said irritably. I rolled to one side and slowly she sat up looking at me. She shook her head from side to side, “I didn’t know it would be like that.” She continued slowly shaking her head. “You’re big, you bastard. You really hurt me going in. But, for god’s sake I enjoyed it. The hurt, I mean. Christ, it felt like the meaning of life, down there. I want that feeling again and again. I mean the hurt, the knowing it will hurt, and it will… I don’t know. It will be the meaning of everything. You’re a bastard; I don’t know who I am anymore.” She suddenly leant across and flung her arms around my neck and pulled us together with all her force. “I’m a pervert aren’t I? Sex and hurt all mixed up.”
I said nothing, she was saying all the things that needed saying. It was true I could call it a pain. It was. It was kind of a dreadful need I felt as I went into her - a dreadful pain. I was out of control. It was like a need I couldn’t stop, desperate. I was out of control as if it was just an agony I couldn’t stop. Eventually, I said quite calmly, “I think it might not be so painful next time. They say the tissues have to be pushed apart.”
She looked at me with a kind of contempt at my nonsense. That’s not what I’m bloody talking about. It was so out of control I didn’t know if I could stand it.” Then she pushed me away, “And I couldn’t stop it. Then after a moment, she got off the bed. “I’m going to get a cup of tea. I want to feel something normal. And I won’t get that from you and your outsize dick!” She went to the door, “Come downstairs when you’re ready.” She went out. I heard her in the kitchen. I think I dozed off, because then she was there sitting down on the bed with two mugs of tea. I took one from her hand. “Christ you bastard, I’ll never forget you. You’ll always be part of my life.” She sipped her tea. “For ever, for fucking ever.”
Her crude swearing seemed to express the extreme state we were in, and I was not offended. “It sounds like we’re in love.”
She nodded, “I suppose so.” She looked thoughtful. “If I’ll end up pregnant now, will you marry me.”
“Of course.”
She smiled, as if calmed down a little now. “That’s the right answer.” And as we sat close to each other on the bed, both naked, she put her arms around me again and kissed me on the cheek. “So, you don’t like kissing?” And she shook her head as if disapproving.
“I never said that. I just had something more urgent going on.”
Her head was on my shoulder. “Perhaps, I can teach you something. How to kiss.” And then more thoughtfully, “Kissing is love, fucking is sex. We don’t know the difference, do we?”
“I don’t know. I just think you are the most beautiful girl in the school,” I stroked her lovely hair. “And when you leave school, you will be the most beautiful woman in the world. That’s not sex. Even if I never have sex with you again, it will still be true. All my life. You’re the most beautiful” I was earnest.
“Oh yes. We’ll see. When you go off behind the sports shed with some other pussy and show her your… er, pussy-stuffer then we’ll see.”
“I’m not going to do that.” I was still earnest.
“We’ll see. But honestly, I wouldn’t like it if you did. Be mine.” She looked sad. “My Dad loves my Mum but he still likes sticking his weedy little penis down my throat.”
I was now a bit shocked. But I realised the girl would not have been so confident with me if she’d not been brought into sex already. I had her Dad to thank for what had just happened between us. Or did I? “I wouldn’t like it if he did it again to you.”
She looked at me sharply, “What do you mean. He comes to me more or less every week. I can’t stop him, can I?” She looked at me. She was earnest now. “Would you be jealous?”
“I suppose.” And added, “It’s not natural.”
“Nothing’s more natural than sex. Is it. We’re all animals. That’s what I was saying, love is different. Isn’t it?” She looked enquiringly at me. “You think I should tell him to stop.”
“Well it’s not happening to other people, is it?”
“Huh, you think. You go around our year and ask how many have had sex with their Dads or their brothers. Or anyone else in the family. You’ll see.” She was getting a bit heated, determined to convince me her relations were normal enough.
“Does your Mother know?”
“No, of course not. Well, I suppose not. I can’t ask her, can I? Just because your mother has not ever got your whopper in her gob, you think she has never thought about it. I bet she has. Specially your whopper.” And she put her hand on it. It felt a bit like responding to her touch, as always when a girl touches it. “She’s missed out on something, hasn’t she? Your Mum?” She looked down at her hand and my penis.
“Do you think they’re making love together, or making sex?” I asked.
“Who?”
“Those Mums and Dads.”
“Oh they’re making sex. It’s this in here,” she put her hand on my chest over where the heart is. “That’s what is making love to me.” And she kissed me at the bottom of my rib cage on the left side of my chest.
“You’re beautiful,” I said, really meaning it.
“So you want me to stop my Dad? Well, since it’s you – and your fucking penis – I will have a go.”
“Could you say you’ll tell your Mother – If he doesn’t stop?”
“Thanks for the advice. I don’t think that’s the best way to go about it.” She spoke forcefully as if I was a simpleton to consider such a threatening approach. “Leave it to me for god’s sake. He’s my Dad. Don’t interfere.”
“Right,” I said holding up a hand as if surrendering. “But, I was just thinking, wouldn’t it be better if I got some more experience, with others. You know, I’ve not had sex with anyone else before.”
“Nor have I?” she looked indignant.
“Yes, you have. Your Dad.”
“Oh great you bastard. Now you think you’ll threaten me. Right? If I don’t stop my Dad you’ll go off with other girls.”
“No, no. I hadn’t thought that at all.”
“Course you had. That’s exactly what you thought.”
“No,” I said with some alarm at the way we were suddenly getting upset with each other. “No, I just thought it might be good if I was more experienced.”
“Like me; I’m experienced, you said. With Dad. Hmm. Well you can get your experience with me. Right? Is that such a bad deal?”
“That’s a perfect deal, Mags.” I wanted to calm the situation.
She paused a moment, put head back on my shoulder, “I know. So, we’ve just proved we can both get jealous.”
“OK,” I said, “it’s evens.”
“Let’s live for each other, OK? Whoever crops up in our lives. Help me to sort out the thing with my Dad. But I don’t want to get threatening. I’ve got to tell him…. Let me see. That I need to develop separately, find people outside the family.”
“Yeah, good, something like that. He must understand that. What’s he gonna say to you, then?
“No idea. But what he should say, is he’s glad I’m growing up and that he hopes my experiences with him will benefit me and make me more grown up.”
I shrugged at what she was thinking. To my mind he should be ashamed of himself. It made me wonder what I was getting into with this girl who thought it was so normal, just a part of growing up. Supposing we got married like we were saying and we had a little girl, what would she expect me as a Dad to do to our girl. I don’t think I’d do what her Dad did. I couldn’t imagine I’d need anything more than her as my wife. After all she was so competent and confident. But then I had to think if she had an advantage just because her Dad interfered with her sexually for so long. But I decided to ask – “When did it all start with him, with your Dad your Father? How old were you?”
“Why? What does it matter.”
“I just wondered. If we had a daughter, would you expect me to do the same as your Dad?”
“Well, I don’t suppose you would, would you? You disapprove so much.” She looked challenging again, “Well, you’ve just done all right with it, haven’t you? He never actually raped me you know.” And then she said, almost viciously, “You were the first person to do that to me, you know.”
“What, rape you?”
And then she put her head on my shoulder again, “Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean rape – just fucking, that’s all. Your fucking prick didn’t rape me. I want it for me – for breakfast, and lunch and for tea.”
I stroked her lovely hair as her head lay against my arm and the hair flowed down over both our bare chests. “Well, my wormy thing is all for your hole, any time of day or night.”
“Well, not a worm it’s a snake a bloody big boa constrictor. It’s got me in its clutches.” And she looked up at me to see if I was taking offence or enjoying her amusement. “And it’s got me in its clutches.”
I nearly said, ‘Like your Dad’, but thought it best not to say it. But she more or less said it for me. “I’ve got to get out of my Dad’s clutches.”
We had our arms around each other then. And lay back down on the bed, very close and hugged for quite a long time silently. Eventually she said, “You’d better get out of here before they get back. He won’t like it if he thinks you’ve been in the bedroom ever since they left.” And indeed, I didn’t want anyone to know either. So, reluctantly we put our clothes on slowly and we had a big hug just before we opened the front door as I was going to leave. But of course, the worst happened. Her parents came through the door and saw us break up guiltily from our hug. There was immediately a heavy black silence as we all stood still taking in the situation and scared of what would come next.
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